An Italian Christmas... What-sa-madda-you?!

I got this in an E-Mail from my mother, and it's fucking hilarious.

Christmas Italian Style

Twas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mella,
Not a creature was stirrin',
Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.

When up on da roof
I heard somethin' pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, "YO! Keep it down!"

When what to my
Wanderin' eyes should appear,
But da Don of all elfs,
And eight friggin' reindeer!

Wit' slicked back black hair,
And a silk red suit,
don Christopher wuz here,
And he brought da loot!

Wit' a slap to dare snouts,
And a yank on dare manes,
He cursed and he shouted,
And he called dem by name.

"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,
Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,
Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!"

As I drew out my gun
And hid by da bed,
He flew troo da winda
And slapped me 'side da head.

"What da hell you doin'
Pullin' a gun on da Don?
Now all you're gettin' is coal,
You friggin' moron!"

Den pointin' a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He twisted his pinky ring,
And up da chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screamin',
Away dey all flew,
Before he troo dem a beatin'.

Den I heard him yell out,
What I did least expect,
"Merry Friggin' Christmas to all,
And yous better show some respect!

John Ferguson can lick my ass.

I am going to kill whoever is standing behind and a little to the right of me. Oh wait... it's John Ferguson, he's behind me, and a little to the right. I'm going to kill him. Actually, I love him.

AWESOME.

So yeah, that girl I was talking about last night. I was talking to her a lot tonight, too. Things were going pretty damn great, too. Things were especially great when she said, "We should hand out some time..."

Yes. Kevin. Feelin' the flow. Workin' it. Ridin' the bull. Feelin' it. Good.

Then, about 15 minutes ago, I was talking to Ian, who happens to know this girl. I like to call this the Ian-Bomb.

FreestyleFat Ass: she doesn't have a bf does she?
S t a n g e 567: yeah
S t a n g e 567: she has a kid 2

Hey, that's really great. Good job life. Way to give me a winning hand there. Last thing I need in my life is to be hanging out and possibly dating a girl that (A) has a boyfriend who is probably a huge asshole (what other kind of guy would impregnate a teenager?) and (B) has a kid. Fuck that. I quit girls. I'm not gay... I'm just sick and fucking tired of having this stupid shit happen to me.

Babies R Us Name Tag: Kevin!

I was feeling good tonight. It's not Ian's fault, I'm actually really glad he told me.

Touch me not... Lest ye be touched.

Name Tag at Work Tonight: "Kevin..."

So I have a number of different name tags that I can wear at work, made with a little help from Paul's label maker that he left in my car when we went to U of I for a weekend. They are as follows...

Kevin.
Kevin!
Kevin?
Kevin...
Kevin,
Kevin:
Kevin :-)
Sir Kevin
Baron Von Kevin

So far I've only worn a few of them. I wear different ones depending on how I felt that day. There's no real explanation for the "..." one. Just that I don't feel like anything that day.

There's a new cute girl at work. Finally. There's decent girls at work, but all of them (until now) have had things blatantly wrong with them. A mustache, ridiculously fat ass, huge moles, bald spots, random missing teeth, speech impediments, 3 kids from 3 different guys, etc... Nice thing about this girl is that she looks young enough to not have kids. So we'll see how that goes. The first mention of "my little baby" or "my baby's daddy" and she's cut off from the thunder down under.

Other than that, things are good. My joint birthday celebration with Paul's birthday was awesome. On top of going to see a 10-4 Chicago Steel win and getting an amazing piece of chocolate chip cookie dough cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory, we all got really drunk that night. We had:

(also known as a recipe for a great night)

- 1.5 Cases of MGD cans
- 1 Handle of Jack
- 1 Smaller Sized bottle of Goldsloggers
- 2 Handles of Gordon's Vodka
- 1 Liter-a-cola
- 2 Liters of Mountain Dew Code Red
- 1 Liter of Sprite
- 1 Cubs Shot Glass
- Lots of those Red Plastic Cups

Spread out over like.. 18 people. That's a fuckin' great time. Okay, I've got nothing else to say.

Piece out,

Ke\/in