That was a (not so) crazy game of poker...

Song: That Was a Crazy Game of Poker - OAR

So tonight was unannounced poker night. Meaning - I played a pickup game with Paul, Bob, and Paul's little brother Spaniel (Danny... but his nick-name is much more fitting). I didn't do so hot, only coming out a dollar ahead. Spaniel finally shed his beginner's luck and joined the ranks of the losers in poker when he lost it all gradually and not on a really good hand or anything. Paul came out four bucks ahead, and Bob broke even. So we were all happy. Except Spaniel of course.. he went to bed.

I had a dream about Kelly last night. And Paul really put it in perspective. The dream like, started with me looking up at her as she was on like a higher level of someplace (places are always very shady and blurry in my dreams... not that they look blurry, just that I can't really remember where it happened). Anyway, it looked like the back room of Babies R Us, except much bigger. And I saw her talking to other people I knew up on what seemed like a loft or something. Then she saw me and came down and we talked, I don't remember what happened next, but then we were kissing, real passionatly too, good stuff... for a dream.

When I told Paul this, I realized that it was a good idea for him to take English 4 AP. He really did hit the nail on the head. He said, "She was higher up on that loft or whatever, because she, like, treated you that way, as if she was on a higher level." Now I'm not saying that's how it was from her perspective, I'm just saying, that's how it felt to me, and it's pretty cool to know that my (one's) dreams can dig that deep.

It was one of the first dreams that I've had in a while.

The dream also got me thinking (as I so often do) about the topic I constantly come back to. I always think that I need/want/really want/need a girlfriend. I get to thinking that I am desperate. I really don't think that I am... because I'm not going around begging for chicks and shit like that. Then about this time, I have to take my brother Chris's advice and, "don't worry about it, because once you stop worrying about it, and stop caring, that's when it happens."

GOD DAMNIT.

I wish it were that easy to, "Just let go..." but it's not. People always say you learn a lot about yourself and relationships in general after your first significant other... but how can I learn these things if I never have one...

Okay, I'm done complaining... sorry you had to witness that... I'm gonna go get some sleep, you should too, it's probably late.

Later.