Ingredients for the Worst Saturday EVER.

1 part hangover. Mixed with a car accident with a woman who doesn't speak English (sweet). I'll explain that later. Then boiled in 5 hours of work. Be sure to add in a pinch of lunch break with the creepy cashier woman who makes the most horrible attempts at conversation I've ever heard.

For Instance:

Isn't it like Alaska out there? (FYI, we got 11 inches of snow last night.)
You're awfully quiet. (I answer, I'm tired and I've had a shitty day.)
What was on your Christmas list? (Alright. What the Fuck? It's January 22nd.)

I hate talking to this woman, she always brings up the fact that I go to COD and that she used to go there and one of the chorus instructors there told her that she has a great voice and shouldn't let it go to waste (BS). The story never changes, it's the same every time. I've heard it 6 times.

Where was I? Ah yes... (sorry Bill Jagnow, but I had to use the "...") Then add a sprinkling of, "Kevin can you do this? Can you do that? Help me with this," bull shit at work.

After work, my parents got Uno's takeout. That was the shit. I love pizza.

Oh yeah, let me tell you all about my accident at 9:08 this morning (or yesterday morning...):

I'm driving southbound on Finley. I am doing this because I swore to Jim Huetson that I'd take him home from Paul's, so this is basically his fault. (Haha, Joke.) I'm passing by those apartments before the Holiday Inn, which is right before Roosevelt, and this fuckin' bitch pulls out right in front of me (because I would obviously be able to stop when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground. I hit her because I couldn't stop in time. Then, this bitch gets out of her car and looks at me like this is my fault (Dane Cook was right.) I walk over to the sign she didn't pay attention to, make sure it said stop, and then went over to see if she was alright (because I'm too fuckin' nice). I ask her if she's got a phone, and she starts talking to me in this, like, language... The only English she knew, was, "I don't speak English," which she was very rude about telling me.

So Jim, after calming me down, was just about to walk into one of those buildings and look for a phone when a Lombard snow plow drives by (God forbid he actually plow the street, we don't like plowed roads in Lombard) and he stopped and called the cops for us. Ends up, her fault, she got a ticket for failure to yield, and that fucking old European bitch better be ready to pay for my shit. I can't wait to go to her court date where I will do something that Rage Against the Machine has been telling me to do for years; Testify!

Alright. Thank you for joining me for the worst day I've had in a long time. I'm going to go to bed and hope to wake up on a tropical island, with a woman on each side of me.

Stay safe, pump your breaks.

Ke\/iN